What would happen if the BTT taught my health class?
by Username69
Summary: The answer: nothing good...
1. The BTT

**Hey everyone, this is my first story. Here's my inspiration, I was in health class when the teacher was discussing sexual activity. When I possessed the word 'sexual', I thought of France, Spain, and Prussia. Then the idea popped into my head; Dude, what would happen if the BBT taught my class? lol Get the reference? Then I shared my idea with someone on deviantart, and she thought of what would happen, so I decided to write this down.**

**Human names will be used.**

**Rated T for language and France stripping. *gets camera* 83**

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR ANY OF IT'S CHARACTERS! IF I DID THIS WOULD HAPPEN!**

**Characters © Hidekaz Himaruya**

**Idea © DevilChild360 and me**

**Health class teacher © ?**

"With my awesomeness, I can be sexy hot forever! And if your lucky, my awesomeness will rub off on you little midgets and you will never die! Of course you'll never be as awesome and sexy as me-oh not even CLOSE!-but you'll be even awesomer and sexier then you were supposed to be, and I will fix the disaster your muttis and vatis* have created!" yelled Gilbert. "No, no" corrected Antonio. "It's TOMATOES AND CHURROS that make you live longer." "Nein, it's my awesomeness." Girlbert corrected. "I'm pretty sure it's tomatoes and churros." said Antonio. "My awesomeness." Gilbert said, begining to argue. "Tomatoes and Churros." "Awesomeness" "Tomatoes and Churros." "Awesomeness!" "Tomatoes and Churros!" "AWSOMENESS!" "TOMATOES. AND CHURROS."

While all that bullshit was going on, the original health teacher was groaning, pinching the bridge of her nose, hoping it would help her migraine go away. Francis didn't quite walk but strutted over to her, swinging his hips and golden, curly locks to and fro. "Is this sexual education?" he asked, that _look_ on his face. "Yes," she said, to relieved that someone actually cared about what was going on (because we all know you don't) to notice the twinkle in his eyes. "Finally someone who will take this seriously and the kids can learn-hey, hey! Wh-why are you taking your clothes off?! Hey! Stop!" she yelled when she noticed Francis' shirt was off and he was pulling his pants down, which by then were already to his knees. "Now, mes little cheris," he announced once he was completely naked with only the rose on his crotch, "Love is when [The following has been cencored due to extremely explict text. Please, don't ask, it's Francis' diolauge]

*Vati: Dad

Mutti: Mom

Mes little cheris: My little darlings

**Well, at least everyone stopped talking and paid attention for once. As for me and DevilChild360, I was drooling at Francis stripping and Edward-elric11 was recording it.**

**DevilChild360: You know, Alfred and Aurthor are coming next week to discuss alchohol.**

**Me: ...Oh shit. XD**

**Review please~**


	2. Arthur and Alfred on Alcohol

_"Am I Catholic...or Protestant?...God, I don't know!"_

The kids in the classroom laughed at the video of a drunken Arthur. Alfred had somehow gotten his hands on it after Arthur stole it from Francis and locked it away. The only reason Alfred wasn't getting killed at the moment was because Arthur was being stalled by various other nations; Francis being a pervert, Ivan trying to become one with him, ect., all hired *cough*threatened*cough* to stall Arthur so Alfred could show the children the video, both Alfred and the latter laughing red in the face with tears rolling down. When the video was almost over, Arthur walked in. When he saw what was playing, he glared at Alfred. Alfred didn't notice at all, then the video ended. Somehow not noticing Arthur, Alfred just stood to the front of the classroom, still red in the face and eyes watery.

"And that's why you should _never_ drink!" Alfred said, still shaken up from laughing so much. "_Ever!_"

While Alfred spoke, one of the kids raised their hand.

"M-Mr. Jones? Th-"

"Dude, you can call me Alfred the Hero if you'd like!"

"O-okay, but-"

"Anyway," Alfred interrupted as if his brother, Matthew, was speaking. "You dudes should totally see how crazy that old fart is now! He-"

"M-Mr. Jo-I mean, Alfred the Hero, that guy! He's-"

"He thinks he has all these weird-ass friends, like ponies and fairies and a flying mint bunny, whatever the hell that is! Hahahaha!

"Mr-! Alfred the Hero! He-" Another kid tried to get his attention while other kids giggled and whispered about him cussing.

"But in reality, the only friend he has is me! So I'm like his hero! Well, he has Kiku, too, but I'm his favorite!"

The whole class pointed in a single direction, and Alfred immediately stopped talking. As the pieces began to click together, he stopped smiling and his face turned pale

"H-He's right behind me isn't he?" Alfred stuttered with fear in his voice.

"No, I'm in front of you," An angry English voice corrected. Alfred then realized Arthur was actually standing in front of him the entire time. How did he not notice him?! He didn't have time to think about it when Arthur began to walk towards him, clenching his fists. Alfred backed away in response as Arthur angrily repeated Alfred's remarks.

"Crazy old fart?!...Weird-ass friends?!..."

As Alfred ran out of room to back away, his behind bumped into a table with some alcohol on it. That's when an idea popped into his mind.

"Hey kids!" Alfred yelled to the classroom. "Wanna see Arthur do a sexy dance?"

Arthur gave him a confused expression, raising a bushy brow. Before Arthur had time to protest, Alfred forced a bottle of ale past Arthur's lips.

"Wha-?!" Arthur tried to protest, but failed as some of the ale had already made its way to his belly. Alfred turned on a radio as the ale began to kick in to Arthur's system. Arthur felt the uncontrollable urge to dance as the harlem shake began to play on the radio. The next thing everyone knew, Alfred was recording Arthur who was dancing on the teacher's desk, half-naked.

**You could hear fan girl squeals and nosebleeds from a mile away that day. You should've seen the original health teacher's face when she saw what was happening! XD Let's just say that it was some goodbye after Alfred and Arthur were forced to get girls to the hospital for severe noseblood loss, had to apologize to many parents, and pay for the children's hospital/therapist bills.**

**A couple of you who are actually reading wanted me to do this, so I...did idk XD**

**Review please~**


	3. Big BruderI'm pregnant

**Sorry for this being so late. I had no idea what to do at first, but now, I have an idea!...That's going to have to wait until chapter four because I have no idea how to start it. What's it going to be about you say? Well, I can't tell you; It's a secret surprise thing!**

**Okay, maybe I can be nice and tell you.**

**Okay, this is what's going to happen.**

**OHTOOLATECHAPTERTHREEISSTARTINGSORRYBYE!**

Basch, the most normal health teacher yet, stood in the front of the room, teaching about sexual activity.

"Remember, sex at your age is illegal."

A young girl who resembled him suddenly had a guilty aura.

"But if you decide you want to be stupid and you _do _have sex, than make sure that boys, wear a condom, or girls, take these-" Basch said, holding up some birth control pills.

The girl, Lili Zwingili, looked down to hide her guilty face.

"-because if you don't, the girl will most definitely get pregnant, and you will have to take responsibility for it. Now, on to STDs-"

"Big bruder!" Lili shot up out of her seat. Basch jumped at her sudden outburst, and turned around.

"Lili, if you wanted to speak so badly, why didn't you just raise your hand-"

"Big bruder, I have to tell you something right now!" Lili said, grabbing her brother's hand and running out of the room.

"What the? Lili?"

Lili and Basch stood out in the hallway, Basch looking down at his sister's hidden face.

"Lili, what is it?"

"Um...well..."

"Come on, you can tell me."

Lili gulped a little before she spoke.

"Erm...about all of that stuff you were talking about..."

"Yeah?"

"...I think...I might...I might have..."

"What?" Basch's voice began to tremble, becoming nervous about what his sister was about to say.

"Um...Big bruder...I'm...I'm pregnant!"

Basch froze, processing what his sister just said.

"P...p-p...p...WHAT?!"

"I...I'm sorry..."

Basch gently grabbed his sister's shoulders, not gripping or shaking to show he wasn't angry...at her.

"Lili, who the hell did it?! Who did this to you?!"

"..."

"Lili?"

"Um...remember that party that Mr. Gilbert had? With Mr. Ludwig and Mr. Roderich?"

"Yeah," Basch faintly remembered it. Gilbert ran into the house with Ludwig and..._him. _Gilbert claimed that they needed to 'loosen up', and grabbed Basch and ran, Lili running not far behind. After that, they started partying and Basch doesn't remember much else besides, "Don't make a mess," "Don't make too much noise," "Don't bother Lili," and various other lectures.

"Well, um...we kinda drank a little..."

"Yeah?"

"Then...we started acting a little funny..."

"...Yeah?"

"Well...we tried to go to sleep...but...um...something else happened..."

"...What?!"

"Yeah..."

Basch began to panic, "Are you alright?! Did I hurt you?! Did you bleed?!" Basch continued to ramble.

"Big bruder, I'm okay!"

Basch sighed of relief, "Good. Okay, we're going to talk about this when we get home, and we can't let anyone find out or I could get fired-"

"Ahem!"

Basch turned around to see the principal. She did not look happy.

_Awkward silence._

"Don't even bother, we're leaving," Basch took Lili's hand and went home.

**The end.**

**Okay, to be honest, I'm not very proud of this chapter. It's kinda slow and it's more dramatic than humorous, and that's NOT what I want this to be. I just want this to be a light-hearted, drama free comedy. So I apologize, but I wanted to get something up.**

**Also, I know this is going to happen since Lichtenstein got pregnant. Someone's definitely planning on making that "Someone got zhe farmer's daughter pregnant again" reference. Hahahahaha don't do it. |:(**

**Review please~**


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